The following is a conversation I had with a man I met on the plane to Los Angeles last week. We had already talked about how he had just gotten married and that I was a coach.
Him: Can I ask you something?
Him: [and I’m paraphrasing here] How can I help my wife avoid the pressure to look a certain way? I noticed that you’re not wearing makeup and I was just wondering how you are comfortable with that.
Me: I have some bad news for you. You can’t change that for her. For me, it’s based on internal validation as opposed to seeking acceptance from an outside source, but that’s something each person must choose for themselves.
Him: But how do you do that?
Me: I choose internal validation; it’s not something that just happens.
Over the last few days, I’ve thought a lot about his question. It’s not the first time someone has expressed a similar thought. Alex Allman, my dear friend and a wise teacher of men, told me once, “Mindie, You’re the most internally validated person I know.”
The more I thought about it, the more I see that it really is the choice that counts, and this is a choice that I continue to make. It’s a daily choosing, sometimes moment by moment.
This is not about ego or about one choice being better than another. It is still partly ego gratification (in addition to soul satisfaction) to read books and fill my brain with knowledge. I choose more of this on an (almost) daily basis over things like scanning fashionistas in magazines and on the internet.
You see, I really don’t care what the latest style is or who got plastic surgery. I’m not even saying it’s a bad thing if you DO care about that, but if it’s feeding the part of you that feels inferior or “not enough” then you need to pick a different food.
If I spent the majority of my time looking through magazines or internet articles filled with beautiful people, comparing my face to theirs, or my body to their body, my insecurities might eat me alive. There is no healthy way to compare yourself to how others look — unless you’re using them as a goal for your own potential in weight loss, fitness or otherwise.
Choose to feed yourself with things that will expand that which is already within you. Your presence, your personal power, and the path you are meant to take in this world. If you’d like to stop worrying about how you measure up, stop feeding your insecurities with fluff.