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Hunger for Love
“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”
~ Mother Teresa
I have seen hunger in the streets of the cities where I’ve lived
On the paths winding through Kibera slum in Nairobi
In the eyes of children reaching out their hands for alms
In the in-between space of ribs protruding from skin
It seems absurd that there is a greater need for love
Something free. Something simple. Something so elemental.
Yet I’ve seen it to be true
Some of the hungriest I’ve known are yet the most joyful…
Somehow, indescribably, filled up with love that sustains them longer/stronger than food
Love.
It’s the essence of each one of us, the very core of who we are.
The stuff we are made of.
This holiday season, I want to remind you that you are greatly loved.
No matter who you are.
No matter what you’ve done.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
Pass it on…
Spread the love. =)
How to Live an Authentic Life
“If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.”
This is from Cheryl Richardson’s The Art of Extreme Self-Care. I posted it on my Facebook wall recently and it hit home with many of my friends.
For me, this topic is all too relevant as my fiancé and I are getting ready to move to the other side of the country (his family would rather he didn’t) and we’re beginning to plan our wedding (my family would rather we include them in the decision making process). In the midst of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, we have one goal — to remain true to what we believe to be best for the two of us.
This isn’t about getting angry, being rude or not listening to people who disagree with you; it’s about setting clear boundaries around the way you do your life. It is up to you, and no one else, to determine this.
In the Heart to Heart I had with Jess Todtfeld (which will be posted tomorrow), he stressed the importance of doing what makes YOU happy. People will have opinions no matter what you do, so you may as well focus on doing what you want.
How do you know what’s best for you? Next time you’re in situation where you want to do one thing, and others are telling you to do the other thing, check in with your heart. The heart, unattached to the ego mind that so often overwhelms our thinking, will always guide you. You just need to listen in for its softer, subtle voice. You also need to muster the courage to release the need for approval. As Cheryl says, this is how you will reflect YOU throughout your life, and there is nothing more beautiful than pure authenticity radiating from your heart.
So go ahead… Speak your truth, live from the heart and give others the freedom to do the same.
Heart to Heart with Ann Sheybani
Writer Ann Sheybani has learned a few things about love that her mama never taught her. In her early twenties, she believed that “the next step was to find a man and that a man was going to be [her] plan.”
She met and married an Iranian graduate student, who was ten years her senior, and thought, “Here’s a guy who is going to take me places.” But, as she recounts, “What I wasn’t paying attention to was that he was a staunch Muslim, that he’d been raised in a little middle eastern village and that his expectation was that he was going to eventually go home with his PhD, marry a virgin from the village and live happily ever after. There was nothing about an American young woman that fit any of that.”
In this fascinating interview, Ann shares:
- what it was like living in the Islamic Republic of Iran with her husband and his family
- her decision to leave and bring her children back to America
- the subsequent divorce and rebuilding phase of her life
- how she met and married the ideal mate, her current husband
We also spoke about the forgiveness process and what she learned going through it: “When you start recognizing the role you play in the drama, it leads to forgiveness.”
Ann holds a Master’s degree in Creative Literature and Writing from Harvard University and a B.S. in Chemistry from the University of Connecticut. Her work has been published in The Charles River Review and her memoir, A Lost Girl’s Guide to Iran, is nearing completion. She is also an accomplished mountain climber, marathoner, sailor, scuba diver, and tango dancer.
This interview is now available in the Archives.
The Power of the Heart
Last week, my fiancé Sean Stephenson and I joined Kevin Hall on his “Aspire” coaching call. I wanted to pass on all the content we shared, so I’ve included the audio below.
Kevin is the author of Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words and is an all-around fantastic guy. I had the opportunity to meet him recently at SANG in Los Angeles.
On the call, Kevin spoke about a very interesting Mayan phrase that translates to “How is your heart?” For the Mayans, the heart was the sacred source of well-being. Sean spoke about how to overcome victim-mentality and shared stories from his experiences of learning that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. And I spoke on living from the heart-center, and how to let the walls barricading your heart come down.
We discussed the power of the heart to direct our lives, how it propels us toward our purpose and legacy. I loved Kevin’s quote: “Never let your mind talk your heart out of what it knows to be true.”
We mentioned coaching briefly; if you’re interested in learning more about Restart Your Heart coaching options, visit the Get Started page. Enjoy the call and leave me a comment to let me know what you think.
Click here to listen:
And because Love battles
My friend Heather Strang just reminded me of this gorgeous poem by Neruda.
Enjoy!
And because Love battles
by Pablo Neruda
And because love battles
not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.
About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.
I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.
What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the danger
of my life, which you know
and which with your passion you shared.
And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.
But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: “The one
you love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera”.
And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the water
of the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.
To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.
You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.
Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.
Beautiful Storm
Here’s a quick video I shot from the airplane window on a recent trip home from Los Angeles. What a treat to witness this beauty from above.
We are all here to grow and expand, and our personal relationships are often the greatest catalyst to help us do that. They also can be the most stormy aspects in our lives!
There is beauty in the storm, though. Just as I was able to see this from another angle–above the clouds–next time you find yourself in a relational storm, see if you can step back and see it from a different perspective. Seek out the beauty as you pass through, and then beyond, the storm.
Dare to love,
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott
Conquering Her Heart
“For many women, the attention, the listening, and the support are the most attractive and are what make them fall in love. Men should remember this when they want to conquer a woman’s heart.”
~ Ayala Malach Pines, Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose
Love Transcends…
“Love transcends the distinction between self and other. Love is the most ethically consistent experience, because selfishness and altruism no longer seem opposed or in conflict. When we rejoice in the existence of the other, his or her interests begin to approximate our own. When we promote the happiness of a loved one, we promote our own as well.”
~ Peter R. Breggin, US psychiatrist
Issue 1: Malek Houlihan ~ Gamble Everything for Love
Gamble Everything for Love
Featured Heart to Heart Interview: Malek Houlihan (51:15)
Listen here:
Featured Article: Gamble Everything for Love
Gamble everything for love,
if you’re a true human being.
If not, leave this gathering.
Half-heartedness doesn’t reach into majesty.
You set out to find God,
but then you keep stopping for long periods at meanspirited roadhouses.
Don’t wait any longer.
Dive in the ocean, leave and let the sea be you.
Silent, absent, walking an empty road, all praise.
~ Rumi
So often in love and relationships, we get stalled by fear and insecurities. Reading Rumi’s poem (that inspired Malek’s song “Gamble Everything for Love”) reminded me of a story told by Alex Mandossian of cliff divers in Acapulco.
One of my favorite events was the Acapulco cliff divers. These guys would scale a steep, rocky, cliff side about 120 feet in the air and then perform beautiful “swan dives” into the crashing surf below.
Before each dive, the divers watch the surf below rise and fall…rise and fall…rise and fall…sometimes for several minutes before taking their leap of faith.
They have to time their jumps perfectly to hit the water at the precise moment the surf is at its highest point.
That way, they have a nice cushion of water to plunge into … one that is safely far from the jagged rocks beneath.
But perhaps the most interesting thing of all is this: Because an Acapulco cliff diver dives from so high up, he must jump when he sees the rocks, not the water! It’s a “leap of faith” if you start to think about it, right?
If an Acapulco diver jumps when the water tide level is at its highest, he’ll hit rocks because the tide moves out again by the time he hits the water. But if he jumps when seeing rocks, he hits the cushion of water as the tide rolls back in again.
Similarly, when we wait for the “right” moment to invite love in, explore a potential connection, or make the leap into a relationship, we’re hoping to see the safety of the water below. The gamble, then, is the jump — there is no guarantee that we will not be hurt, no certainty that the relationship will last forever… What’s important to remember is that the jump can be made even if you don’t see the water below.
Coming Up…
RYH Magazine: Issue 2 features a Heart to Heart interview with Maya Fulcher. I heard about Maya through an article in Glamour Magazine. Maya lost her husband to a serious illness. At just 32 years old, she now shares six important questions she and her husband, Jack, discussed that brought them closer. Her goal is to help people create those connections in their lives before it’s too late. Tune in next month to hear Maya’s story.
Restart Your Heart…
Because Love is Worth the Risk
